


To Lose you

by Kinky_Romantic



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Body Image, Body Shaming, Chubby Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fat Shaming, High School, Human Aziraphale (Good Omens), Human Crowley (Good Omens), Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), Hurt Crowley (Good Omens), Idiots in Love, Ineffable Idiots, M/M, Parental Death, So Wrong It's Right, im so sorry, ineffable boyfriends, no beta no one else needs this shame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:08:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22745293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinky_Romantic/pseuds/Kinky_Romantic
Summary: This is an American High School AU no one asked for. Set in the mid to late 2000's in New Jersey because I truly could not be bothered to look up english high school info or fathom what its like now, so you get my high school experience with characters who do not deserve this bullshit. Again Im sorry
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46





	1. In the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Warning homophobic language

2005

Azira Fell sat in the third row back by the windows. Today was proving to just be another boring day in the 7th grade. It was geography and he was staring out the window to the duck pond next door. The snow was melting and soon the ducks would return. His mind was so full of day dreams he barely noticed his name being blared across the speaker system.

“Azira Fell to the front office. Azira Fell to the front office.” There were ooooo’s and snickers from the other kids wondering what the golden boy did. Azira flushed with embarrassment as he gathered his things and left for the office.

Azira was a boy who was often lost in his own head, a straight A student, chubby with curly white blond hair who dressed conservatively he didn’t have many friends. Or any really. He ate lunch with people and there was always someone willing to work with him on school projects. In grade school he had a small group of close friends, Gabriel, Micheal, Uriel, Bea and Sandi. They played together all the time, but as they entered middle school they sort of fell apart. No bad blood just becoming different people.

Azira shook his head as he approached the office. He had to stop getting lost in his thoughts. As he entered he was usher past a short haired girl to the principal's office.

“Mr. Fell, we have a new student with us today and since your mother signed you up for the buddy program and your schedules match we were hoping you could show our new students around.” Ugh the buddy program. Worried he was struggling in the friend department his mom signed him up to show new kids around in the hopes he would make friends.

“Um sure, yeah. Who is the new kid?”

“He’s just outside. Anthony J. Crowley, he just moved from the city.” Azira nodded and tried to remember passing a boy on the way in. He shrugged and went to leave the office. “Oh and son, be nice to the boy, he’s.... he’s different.” Azira was confused by this but agreed and left the room.

“Anthony?” He asked looking around for a boy. Instead the short haired girl looked up at him and right away he realized he made a mistake. Anthony J. Crowley popped up from his seat and smiled brightly. He had shaggy bright red hair, wore a black t shirt, a bright blue skirt and black skinny jeans. With matching bright blue chucks. And had the most amazing golden eyes Azira had ever seen. He flapped his mouth uselessly. He had never seen a boy dress like this outside of... the city! Of course! He’s from New York! He was, what did his mother call it? Flamboyant!

“It’s AJ actually.” He said with a wave and Azira nodded.

“Right, well we have the same schedule and it’s geography now, but they said we could take the rest of the period for me to show you around.”  
Azira showed AJ all 3 floors of the plane square building. There was nothing overly impressive about South Orange Middle School. He was sure it must seem overly drab compared to life in the city. 

The bell rang and Azira smiled at AJ, “It’s time for lunch.” Azira took his hand and led him to the modest cafeteria. The boys sat down at an empty table and began to chat about their lives. Until Gabriel and his group walked by.

“Fairy alert guys.” The boys snickered as they walked past.

“Really Gabriel that was uncalled for.” The handsome boy sighed and turned to face Azira.

“I’d be careful if I was you, Azira. You’re already on your way to being the fat kid, wouldn’t want to be a fag too, would you?” There was so much menace in his eyes Aziras mouth went dry. The other boys laughed as Gabriel picked up Aziras dessert and dropped it in the garbage. “Just helping you out. For old times sake.” Part of Azira wanted to cry, but he refused to make himself more of a target.

“I bet you’re not so tough when you don’t have your friends to back you up!” AJ said standing. “You probably wet your bed and cry for your momma still, don’t you bitch boy?” The cafeteria went silent and AJ and Gabriel starred each other down. A small chant of Fight! Fight! Fight! Broke out around them. Gabriel threw his tray down and lunged at AJ. Cocking his fist back he was ready to break his nose when Azira jumped in the way.

Thwack!

Gabriel made contact with Azira’s eye. Azira let out a blind left hook and did brake Gabriel’s nose. Sadly that was all a teacher saw. AJ and Azira were sent to the principal and Gabriel was sent to the nurse.

The principal sighed heavily. “It hasn’t even been a day boys.”

“He was bullying AJ/Azira!” The both cried out at the same time.

“Be that as it may we can not condone violence and Ms. Lively saw you break Gabe’s nose Azira!” Azira gave the principal a flat look as his eye was already swelling shut.

“I didn’t start it and I was hit when Gabriel tried to attack AJ”

“All three of you will be suspended for 2 days.” Azira and AJ tried to protest but they were stopped. “Your parents have already been called. AJ your mom is on her way and Azira your dad said you could walk home. And boys? Try not to get into anymore fights.”

The pair sat in the office waiting for AJ’s mom.

“You really don’t have to wait with me.” AJ picked at his polished nails. Azira shrugged.

“I don’t mind, plus I’m just down the street.” He tried to smile through his black eye. Then a flurry of long flame red hair came in. She was tall and thin in a way that made her look like a model. She looked around until she saw the boys. Brow set in anger she marched right up to Azira.

“You like picking on boys who are different huh? Well clearly AJ knows how to throw a punch so you ju-“

“Mom!” AJ jumped up and stood between Azira and her. AJ was red with embarrassment and poor Azira might just start crying after all. “This is Azira. He stood up for me. That black eye was meant for me but he jumped in the way.” All the anger dropped from her face. She went to her knees and hugged both boys.

“Azira I am so sorry. I'd love to talk to your parents, are they on their way?”

“No ma’am, my dad teacher at the Seton Hall and my mom works in the city. I’m supposed to walk home and text my dad when I get in.” She gave him a knowing look.

“That eye needs some attention, can I call your parents and see if you can come back with us?” Azira nodded yes and gave her the numbers she needed. It was amazing how much AJ and his mom looked alike. He wondered if there was anything about his dad he got. 

“Right, thank you Mr. Fell. I understand. Don't worry, I'll get him patched up. Yes, yes I think they have.” Mrs. Crowley smiled brightly at the two boys. “So who wants to go out for lunch? I think my heroes deserve a treat.” She held out her hands and each boy took one. 

They went to a local diner and ordered burgers and shakes. Azira eyed his suspiciously, “You’re already on your way to being the fat kid…” He heard Gabriel taunt in his head. AJ gently elbowed him, as if reading his mind.

“Screw Gabe, enjoy it.” Azira smiled weakly and took a sip, it was his favorite, strawberry chocolate. 

Azira loved 3 things in the world more than any others; Books, sweets, and his parents. Mary and George Fell were kind loving people, Mary came from England and George was from Nebraska. She worked in the financial district and he taught a variety of religion classes and was a part time librarian at Seton Hall University. They were very well off and loved each other dearly. Azira was raised on the principles of several different religions, and his family believed more in an Almighty instead of a God from any one religion. His dad always said there was an ineffable plan in the works. He was raised to be kind and loving to all, to protect those who need it and love and respect books. 

AJ on the other hand. His mother would teach him to be a free spirit. To love himself before anyone else, to never hide or be ashamed of who he was and what he liked. His father would rather he just be a normal boy, but Connor Crowley knew he had little chance of normal when he fell for his wife. Siobhan Crowley was a firecracker. Scottish and made of trouble the younger couple was married out of wedlock while she was on holiday. She got her green card and the new family stayed in New York City to raise their baby, but a shotgun marriage between star crossed lovers isn't always stable.


	2. Your side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst, so much angst

Azira and AJ were instant best friends. Over each other's houses everyday. The boys were inseparable until summer. They were both going to Europe to visit family. When Azira got back he tried to contact AJ but had no luck, figuring they were still across the pond as it were, but the first day came and no AJ, after the first week Azira was concerned. AJ would have told him if he wasn't coming back right?

Azira: Hey, r u ok?  
1 week later  
Azira: Hey, just let me know ur ok  
1 week later  
Azira: Im sorry if I hurt u, I just want to know ur ok  
AJ: Im not ok, my mom died. Please leave me alone

Azira couldn’t fathom it. He left school early and went straight to the Seton Hall library. He found a quiet corner in the back and cried. He didn't know what to do AJ was hurting and he wanted Azira to leave him alone, so leave him alone he did. 

8th grade passed without any further excitement. He was bullied off an on about his weight, he kept his grades up, but he didn't make any new friends. That summer his dad decided to sign him up for football, why Azira still didn’t fully understand, but his dad said it would be good for him so he did it. He hated it at first, but then it started to feel good. He kept a lot bottled up and being able to hit someone without actual aggression was rather therapeutic.

He managed to get back with his original friend group, although he often felt on the outside looking in. Bea wasn’t a part of the group any more, she made new friends with a girl named Dagon and Gabriel did not approve so he cast her out. Azera was short a stocky, barrel chested and still chubby, but now he was strong, so while Gabriel still teased him no one else did, and he suppose that was ok. 

He sat in his homeroom waiting for the first day to get on with. At Columbia High School the first day of the year is only for freshmen to figure out where they were going, 4 stories high, A,B,C and D wings and over 2,000 students the school could be rather overwhelming when you didn't know your way around. He was just hoping for the day to be over. He expected this year to go as quietly as the last. That is until a tall, thin, bean pole of a boy with shoulder length flame red hair sauntered in. He wore dark sunglasses, tight, black, ripped skinny jeans, an old Queen t shirt and a beat up leather jacket. AJ?

\-------

AJ sat excited in the airport terminal with his parents. His mom and dad had been fighting a lot and he couldn’t wait for them to stop. They always stopped when he saw his grandparents. His life was sunshine and rainbows most of the time. His mom was his world and his dad was ok, he wasn't around much, always working or traveling for work. But as long as he had his mom he didn't care. She taught him about astronomy when they were traveling. There was always too much light pollution where they lived to see them right, but in the Scottish countryside you could see everything. 

“Now AJ, even when we’re apart we will always be together by looking at the stars.”

“But why would we be apart, mama?”

“Sometimes life isn't kind my heart.'' She kissed him on his head and they stared up at the night sky together for the last time. That night she died. His father told him that she killed herself. That he asked too many stupid questions and it dover her crazy. That it was his fault. If he was never born this wouldn't have happened. That night AJ died too. Anthony, no that didn't feel right, Crowley, that at least he shared with his mother, that’s who he was now. He returned to the states and shut everyone out. His father made him start wearing sunglasses 

“Don't you dare look at me with her eye!” 

He hadn't even contacted Azira. Azira, sweet kind Azira would never understand, he wouldn't want to be around someone as awful as Crowley.

Azira: Hey, r u ok?  
1 week later  
Azira: Hey, just let me know ur ok  
1 week later  
Azira: Im sorry if I hurt u, I just want to know ur ok  
Crowley: Im not ok, my mom died. Please leave me alone

And he did. There was part of him that hoped he would fight for him, but he didn't. No one would any more. 

His father finally had enough of him before the school year started. He sold their fancy house and sent Crowley to live with his aunt Sarah who lived in Maplewood on the edge of the ghetto. Sarah was a wonderful woman, kind and loving. A high functioning alcoholic anunt Sarah always smelled like christmas from her Gin and Gingers and cinnamon gum. 

She was a foster mom and currently had two charges, a pair of boys Hastur and Luiger. They were awful. Always cruel to Crowley. He tried at first to tell on them to her, but she got upset with him for it. 

“We must be kind Anthony, not all of us had good childhoods, and we don't all have trust funds waiting for us when we turn 18.” He learned then that because he had money nothing he said mattered. His pain didn't exist because when he was 18 he was free. 

Gone was his carefree attitude, his fun colorful clothes, his bright nails, now his life was all shades of black and grey. He continued to wear his sunglasses, to hide his mother's eyes and his regular shiners from his foster cousins. He found the seediest places in Newark and Irvington where he could find booze and cigarets. He spiralled rapidly and didn't care who knew it. He barely passed 8th grade, not because he wasn't smart but because he barely showed up. So when he sauntered into home room that first day of high school he was shocked to see a mass of curly white blond hair sitting by the window. At first he thought he must be wrong. This couldn't be Azira. This boy wasn't too much taller but he was broader, he looked like a football player, which surely meant it couldn't be him, but when he looked up he saw those amazing blue eyes and he knew it must be him. This year could be interesting after all.


	3. Guardian Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Azira reconnect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning Drug use with minors

Crowley moved from the hip in a way that made you stare. He was almost snake like. Sleek and deadly, yet to Azira he was, well breathtaking. He draped himself across the chair next to Azira.

“AJ?”

“Crowley”

“Oh sorry, must have mistaken you,”

“You didn't, Azira.” Aziras eyes nearly popped out his head. 

“A- Crowley! What happened to you? Why are you wearing those silly sunglasses, and oh I’m  
sorry sorry for your loss I just I-” Crowley shooed him off with a wave of his hand.

“Doesn't matter” He looked Azira up and down, “What about you? Join the team or something?” Azira blushed and looked away for a second.

“Yeah my dad's idea.” Crowley nodded and heaved himself up

“Well today has been interesting enough, I'm out.” He turned to leave but Azira grabbed his hand

“What do you mean, out? The day hasn't even started yet!” Crowley shrugged

“I mean I'm out. It's not like today matters anyways. And I already know my way around here soooo”

“So nothing! You can’t just leave if you like!”

“I can. I am, and you’re welcome to join me.” Azira stopped. He never thought to skip school, and now that he had AJ- Crowaley back in his life he wasn't going to lose him. His parents would have to understand. 

“I am.” Now it was Crowley's turn to be surprised. His brow arched over his glasses and the corner of his mouth twitched up.

“This way then” 

He led Azira out a side door across the street and down into the woods. They walked until they got to the old mercury building (a dilapidated building that used to make mercury back in the day.) Once there he sat down and pulled a joint from his cigarettes.

“Really?” Crowley shrugged  
“You don't have to partake if you don't want it” Azira had never been offered drugs before, he didn't want to get in trouble, but he wasn't ready to lose Crowely again. Azira sat down gingerly on the grass as Crowle sparked the joint. He inhaled deeply and held it in before slowly exhaling a cloud of smoke. He took another hit and passed it to Azira. Azira tried to replicate what he had seen. He inhaled deeply and coughed until his lungs hurt while Crowley laughed. 

“Easy tiger, baby puffs.” Crowley handed him a water bottle Azira took a big gulp only to realize it was no in fact water. 

“What is that?!” 

“Shit, I'm sorry. I grabbed the wrong bottle. Here.” This time Crowley checked it to make sure it was water before handing it over. Azira drained half the bottle in one go. Gasping he gave Crowley the side eye.

“Why on earth do you have a bottle of vodka on you?”

“To drink?” Crowley cocked a brow and took a swig from the vodka. Before trying to take the joint back. Azira pulled back and went in to hit it again. A smaller puff this time. He still coughed but not nearly as bad. Crowley smiled. 

They smoked together and Azira talked. He talked all about 8th grade and football camp and his parents. Crowley just laid back and listened. He always enjoyed listening to Azira. Crowly took a deep drink from his vodka bottle. Azira held out his hand.

“Nah, I don't think you’re ready.” Crowley said pulling the bottle away. Azira shook his head. 

“No, if you do it I’m going to do it too.”

“Horrible idea, Azira.” But Crowley couldn’t deny that it amused him so he passed it back over. Azira felt like liquid, his body was warm and his head was floating. He smiled over at Crowley and in the fog that was his brain. 

“Why haven't we done this before?” laughing Crowley rolled over to face Azira. They were nearly nose to nose on the grass.

“Because we haven't seen each other for more than a year.” Azira pouted.

“Why though? I mean I kind of know what happened, but, but why didn't you let me help. I, I don't know I could have been there for you or - or '' Crowley rolled onto his back and stared up at the sky. 

“Look I didn't want to drag you down into my bullshit. I'm no good to be around, not for you anyways. I mean you’re skipping school, drinking smoking. I've only been back in your life a few hours and I'm shittin’ it up.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “You don't have to be my guardian angel.”

“What if I want to be?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for indulging in this mess.


	4. Found Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel finds our boys stoned and tipsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More homophobic and strong langue

Crowley blinked. Since his mom died no one has stood up for him, no one cared. Aunt Sarah was sweet enough, but she always sided with Hastur and Luiger. 

“They didn't have everything you do.”

“They're struggling too.”

“Not everything is about you.”

Because having your mother kill herself and your father disown you is just peachy keen. No one in his life cared, so he drank and he smoked and he got into fights. No one cared. He even found shitty friends who were just as bad. And then there was Azira. Just like the first time they met he swooped right in to try and help. He really was an angel. And he absolutely should not be hanging around him. Crowley knew he was poison, he needed to get rid of this sweet boy before he ruined him too, he just needed 5 more minutes. Yeah 5 more and he would walk away. 

“You know no one is home at my place. We could go over, if you want.” He did. He’d go over and then come up with a reason to never speak to Azira again. Yeah, that was a good plan, right?

“Tsk, Tsk, Tsk” The new voice pulled them out of their haze. There stood Gabriel, Micheal, and Sandi. Or the goon squad as Crowley thought of it. “When I heard that the ever pious Azira Fell had cut school with some goth degenerate I thought for sure they were full of shit. Yet here you two are.” Azira sat bolt up and blinked hard presumably as the world stopped spinning.

“Oh fuck off Gabriel.” Crowley spit.

“I’m not talking to you, fag.” He looked Azira dead on, but the poor boy refused to make eye contact. Not that he needed to, his eyes were red and glassy enough that you could see it from across the train tracks. “Jesus, you’re stoned? How weak willed are you? Your little boyfriend is back for a few hours and you're throwing everything away?”

“He's not my boyfriend.” Azira muttered. And wow. While true Crowley wasn't expecting it to sting so much. 

“No? So it should be pretty easy for you to walk away then, huh?” Azira looked down and for a moment Crowley really thought he was going to leave. He should leave. He just didn't want him to. 

“No.”

“Excuse me?” Azira steeled himself and got up.

“I said no. This day doesn't matter, and it's more important for me to be here with my friend.”

“I thought we were your friends. Be careful Azira, wouldn't want to blow out your knee at such a young age.” The threat was clear and Crowley couldn't stand it. Azira was stubborn and sweet and he had liquid courage coursing through him. 

“He doesn't have to. I'm out. As if I’d want this drama in my life. Thanks but I'm full.” Crowley gathered his things and began to saunter away. “Oh and Gabey, Bea says hi.” Gabriel lunged for Crowley, but Azira held him back. Spitting Gabriel pulled himself back.

“You stay the fuck away from my team fairy.” Crowly waved him a middle finger as he walked away, heart pounding. 

\-----

Azira was a few steps behind what was going on, but he knew he was standing with his teammates and not with Crowley. Crowley. He couldn't believe this was the same person he knew, couldn't believe he was back, couldn't believe he let him walk away… He wanted to run after him to say fuck you to Gabriel, but he couldnt. Not only did he not want to disappoint his parents, the other boys were holding him firm. 

“Don't even think about chasing after him. He's been trouble since he showed up. You don't need that Azira.” Gabriel thought he was God, thought his word was a commandment. Defy him and he would smite you down with Hellfire. Azira pulled away and started off to his house intent on getting a snack a nap and then reading a lovely book for the rest of the day. “And where are you going? We’re not done with you.” Azira threw his head back and sighed.

“Im going home. Im going to sleep this off and get some reading done.”

“And what about practice?”

“We don't have practice today…”

“You do. 50 laps, 50 suicides, 50 mountain climbers.”

“No one else has to do this, why me?”

“You still have a lot of sweets to work off and I won't let you go home just to have the munchies.” Gabriel came up and patted his stomach. He wasn't fat, but he was still chubby and the shame of being called out like that made him want to curl into nothing and vanish. He hung his head and nodded.”Good! Let's start.” Aziras head snapped up.

“Now?”

“Now.” The steel in Gabriel's lavender eyes could have sliced Azira open. So not only was he going to have to do a work out no one else was, he was going to have to do it in front of his tormentors, er friends. He pleaded with his eyes, but Gabriel would not yield, so there, in front of Micheal and Sandi Azira started his work out in his jeans and polo. 

When it was done he was beat red, soaked in sweat and panting. Truly he thought he would die. He hated this. Hated Gabriel, hated himself.


	5. I'm not ok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is not ok, will Azira be there to save him?

‘Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say  
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way  
For all the dirty looks  
For photographs your boyfriend took  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay’

Crowley blared his music drowning out the world as he walked away. He wouldn't ruin another life.

‘It's your fault she's dead!’ his father's words echoed in his head and he turned up his volume.

‘Forget about the dirty looks  
The photographs your boyfriend took  
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed’

Crowley kicked rocks as he made his way to his favorite liquor store, he could get boges and a bottle and erase the rest of the day. Maybe he'd get two bottles and try to erase the memory of Azira laying so close to him. He grabbed a handle of Jack and two packs of Newports before paying and wandering over to the large graveyard. He found a nice old patch far in the back where no one would bother him and he drank. Drank until he could barely see. Hours had passed, his ipod was nearly dead and the sun was starting to set. He should head home. He didn't. He put the rest of the jack in his bag and started to wander the streets chain smoking as he did. Then a brilliant (read drunken) idea hit him, he should text Azira. Just to make sure he's ok. Yeah that was all. 

Crowley: heyyyy  
2 minutes  
Crowley: heeeyyy  
2 minutes  
Crowley: angel  
Azira: sorry, i was dozing off a bit.   
Crowley: s too erelt for thaf  
Azira: its what?  
Crowley: to eadtly fdklsr rdios  
Azira: are you drunk?  
Crowley: so wut im am   
Azira: where are you  
2 minutes  
Azira: Crowley where are you? I can ask my parents to come get you.   
Crowley: noopo!!!! No parwnts  
Azira: ok ill take my bike. Where are you?  
Crowley: chickn shak  
\-------  
When Azira finally made him home his mother was already home. He was miserable and every inch of him ached. Gabriel and the others laughed and mocked him through his whole “practice” and Crowley just left. He wanted to cry and eat his feelings, but that would only lead to more ridicule. When we walked through his front door his legs nearly collapsed.

“How was my big high schoolers first day?” His mom's face dropped when she saw him. And she rushed over. “Azira, darling what's wrong?” He didn't want to worry her, he also didn't want to lie.

“Hard practice.”

“Darling school just got out, and you weren't supposed to have practice today.” The concern in her eyes broke him. He cracked and told her all about Crowley and the practice, he did leave out the bit about drugs and alcohol though. And even though it was a lie by omission it was still the first time he had ever lied to his mother and he felt slimy all over for it. She held him close and listened to everything. “That's it I want you off that team, your father should never have forced you into this!” She was livid.

“No! Mom that will just make things worse. And don't you always say I have to finish my commitments?” He didn't know why he was arguing with his mom about this, but he just didn't want to be bullied and if he could just get Gabriel to stop then no one else would make him feel like this. She gave him a tight hug and sent him off to shower and nap. 

Azira was finally comfortable, still sore, but in tartan pajama pants and a comfy cream sweater he was ready to relax with a book until dinner, but he just kept dozing off. Until his phone brought him back to the waking world. He flipped open his envy and his face paled. Crowley was drunk, and at the chicken shack and refusing to let him bring his parents into this. Azira knew he had to go get him, he just didn't know how to go about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im not ok - My chemical Romance.


	6. You weren't there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hurt/ angst

Azira ran around his house like a mad man getting everything he needed. It was still warm enough he didn't need a coat but he grabbed a backpack and filled it with water and aspirin and anything else he thought crowley might need. Finally he walked down to face his mom. 

“Crowley needs help. He’s at the chicken shack and he needs me. No questions.” When Azira turned 13 his parents told him about the no questions rule. He could ask them something (like to pick him up from a party) and if he said no questions they wouldn’t ask, he could tell them when he was ready. This was the first time he had used it. His mother nodded.

“I'll drop you off a block away. Will you be bringing him back for dinner?”

“I don't know mom, I just need to get to him. I'll keep you updated. Could he stay here if he has to?”

“Of Course darling. Now let's go help your friend.” 

Truth was Mary Fell was thrilled Azira had a friend again. She knew she raised a good boy and she would do anything to see that he was happy. The two of them got into the car and drove up South Orange Ave almost into Newark.

“You have your phone? And your keys? Money for food?”

“Yes mom, I have it all. Thank you” He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek before getting out and walking the rest of the way to the shack.

When he got there he saw a tall thing figure leaning against the side of the building smoking.

“Crowley?”

“Angel!” And with that one wonder Azira softened. 

Crowley sauntered over and swung an arm around Aziras shoulder. 

“Where to angel, the night is young.”

“It's a school night, dear. Why don't we get some food in you and you tell me what happened.” Crowley nodded and Azira walked them into the shack. “What would you like?” Crowley shrugged.

“Whatever you’re getting.” Azira sighed this was not what he should be eating, but if it helped Crowley…. He ordered 2 dozen wings and 2 sides of frys. They took their food to a nearby park to enjoy. Azira sat down on a bench and Crowley laid out on his lap. 

“My dear what are you doing?”

“‘S comfy” Crowley muttered while snuggling into Aziras soft middle. Azira blushed a deep red and cleared his throat. 

“W-why don't you sit up so you can eat hm?” Crowley whined but did as he was told. They ate in silence while Crowley sobered up.

“So, why’d you come?”

“Hm?” Azira asked around a chicken wing

“Why did you come? This time Crowley stared him down. Azira sighed.

“I had to. I had to make sure you were ok. Crowley, you mean a lot to me. Your friendship means a lot to me.” Crowley nodded.

“You shouldn't have come.”

“You stop that. Just tell me what happened.” 

“Got drunk, I make stupid choices.” Azira knew he wouldn't get any serious information out of him like this. He sighed and shook his head.

“Why don't you come home with me? Spend the night.” Azira looked at him with big sad eyes and while it looked like Crowley wanted to object he didn't. 

“Yeah, sure angel.”

\------

They finished their food and Crowley lit another cigarette as they began to walk back to Aziras. Most of the walk was down hill and they chatted idly, Crowley's stupid still drunk brain couldn't help but think how cute Azira was in his pajamas. Coming to rescue him. As if he deserved it. But once the walk started going back uphill he noticed Azira wincing in pain. 

“Whats wrong?”

“Oh nothing dear.”

“Bull, i can see you’re in pain”

“It's just, Gabriel made me do a hard practice today.”

“What did everyone else think of the practice?”

“It. it was just me.” Crowley stopped walking.

“Why?”

“It's nothing Crowley”

“Why.” not a question this time. Crowley was making it clear he was not moving until he got an answer.

“Because I'm fat. There, are you happy? I'm fat and Gabriel made me work out in front of Micheal and Sandi.” tears were welling in his eye and Crowley could feel the fury rising up like bile in him

“You are not fat angel, you are perfect. Why are you even on that stupid team. I know your dad doesn't care about sports. Is the more bullshit about you needing friends?” Instead of responding Azira looked broken. Big tears started falling down his rounded cheeks. “Angel…”

“No. No Crowley you pushed me away. You left. And yeah it was about friends, and college applications, but I know what I look like and if you’re so concerned why did you leave and get drunk. You could have stayed with me but you didn't.”


	7. A work of Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hurt and reconnection

“Well you didn't fight for me either!” Crowley yelled. A million things he wanted to say burned in him, but he knew this wasn't going to work. He didn't deserve Azira and he was right. He did push him away. He did leave. “Clearly we’re not good for each other.” He said softly looking away from Azira. The open on hurt on his face was too much for Crowley to bear. “Thanks for coming. I’ll...I’ll go”

“Crowley, that's not what I want.”

“But it's better for you. Gabriel is just going to keep tourchering you if I'm around, and all I seem to do is hurt you. You’re better off without me.” 

They spent the next few minutes in silence. Crowley knew what he had to do. He just didn't want to do it. But with a deep breath he steeled himself. 

“It's just better off this way.” he said as he walked away. Azira just stood there in the light of the street lamps and watched him go. 

Now more than ever Crowley hated himself. He felt empty and alone, but he would control himself and leave Azira alone. 

This proved slightly easier than he expected. The only class they shared was homeroom and that only met every few months when mass papers needed to be sent home. Crowley watched him from afar. Watched as the goon squad teased him, watched as he lost the remainder of his baby fat. Watched as he grew more miserable. 

Crowley tried to focus on other things, and tried to forget him. He befriended one of the art teachers, Mr. McKim. An older man with a dry sense of humor, McKim let Crowley basically live in his art room and there Corlwy developed a love of charcoal art. He found he likes to draw angels and demons, or angels and snakes, or just angels. And really just one in particular. A softer, white blond angel wielding a flaming sword. He couldn't help it, it was all he saw when he closed his eyes. 

Crowley kept his word until the last week of school. He was cleaning out his work from McKims room, holding on to more drawings then he knew what to do with, school had already let out of the day so when he collided with someone else he let out a audible yelp. 

“Oh I'm terribly sorry! Here let me hel-” they stopped mid sentence and when Crowley righted himself he was met with one of his nightmares. Azira was on the floor surrounded by drawings of angels that might as well have been portraits of him. His mouth was slightly agape and Crowley wish he could just turn into a snake and slither away. “Crowley” His name was little more than a whisper on Aziras lips. 

“Angel, I’m sorry I can explain.”

“Explain? They're beautiful.” Well that was unexpected. 

\------

Azira sat on the floor surrounded by beautiful works of art. Large and small charcoal drawing of him as an angel. He didn't have words. Had they come from anyone but Crowley he might have been a little scared, but he knew Crowley had kept an eye on him this year. Gabriel made sure he knew. But he couldn't be upset. He missed Crowley dearly and he desperately wanted him back in his life. He just didn't know how to go about it. 

“Would you like help carrying them home?”

“They're not going home.”

“Oh?”

“Hastur and Luiger will just ruin them. McKim is holding on to the best ones for me, so these are on their way to the dump.”

“You foul fiend! You can't!” Crowley chuckled softly as Azira’s protest.

“And what am I to do with them angel?” Azira wasn't sure, but his work was too beautiful to just throw away. 

“Bring them to my house.”

“What?”

“I said bring them to my house. I'll keep them safe. We have plenty of room. You could set up a small portfolio area in one of the libraries.” After the last incident his parents probably wouldn't be thrilled to see Crowley, but Azira didn't care. He would work something out. 

“What about gabe? You know he’ll have a fit if he sees us together.”

“He won't. His family left today for their summer vacation.” At that Crowley gave a devilish smile.

“Then I suppose I have no choice but to take you up on your offer.”

Azira smiled, proud of himself and helped Crowley gather up the drawings. Neatly stacking them in two more manageable piles the boys set off to Azira’s.


	8. Beach day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys make weekend plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some violence

The boys walked through town on their way to Azira’s house chatting idly. It didn't matter what about ,there was near a lull in the conversation, it didn't feel forced. Just that easy way of talking between two people who were meant to be together. When they made it to his house his parents weren’t home yet and he sent out a silent prayer of thanks. They made their way up to the third floor where his room was, there was his room. A bathroom and another room that led into the attic. The second room was like Azras own personal library and it was here that he decided Crowley's portfolio should go. 

“There's a nice space there by the sitting area.” He pointed over to an empty corner near a window where two chairs were set up. He loved to curl up and read there, it was one of his favorite places in the house, and having Crowley's art there would only make it that much better.

“Looks great, angel.” Crowley took his art and arranged it carefully in the designated space. He really does need a nice portfolio, thought Azira. “I uh, I should probably get going… thank you, Azira.” Azira looked up at him, his blue eyes reflecting back at him in Crowley's dark sunglasses.

“You don't have to. We could hang out. For a bit. If you like.” It was tentative and small, and Azira was desperately hoping he would say yes. 

“Let's not push it too fast. I don't want to hurt you.” The word again hung between them like a weight. 

“Well, maybe we can go down the shore this weekend then? Just some casual fun at the beach?” Crowley smiled genuinely.

“That sounds perfect.” 

\------

The rest of the week flew by for Crowley, he was so excited Azira wanted him back in his life he barely registered the daily bullshit that was his life. Until Hastur and Luiger had had enough of him being happy. 

“What's got you so excited, Tony?”

“Having fun without us, Tony?” They loved to mock him, his dad was the only one who called him Tony, and they both knew how much he hated it, how much he hated his dad. 

“Piss off, both of you.”

“That's not very nice. Sarah says you should be kinder to us.”

“Well Sarah isn't here now, so leave me alone.”

“You’re right, Sarah isnt here.” They gave him wicked smiles as they jumped him. They beat the shit out of him and broke his sunglasses. Crowley spit a mouth full of blood before limping off to his room. He fucking hated it here. 

By the time Saturday rolled around Crowley could not wait to get to the shore. He had been spending as little time as possible at his aunt's house and he was so excited to see Azira he didn't want anything ruining it. He got to Aziras bright and early so they could catch the bus to Asbury. Azira came out with his unnecessarily large beach bag ready to go, his hair still a while mess from sleeping. He was adorable, not that Crowley would ever say that out loud. But in the safety of his own mind he dreamed of running his fingers through those curls. 

“Think you've packed enough angel?” he said with a chuckle and Azira huffed. 

“I wanted to make sure we were well prepared.” Crowley smiled fondly as he put his arm around Aziras shoulders. They walked to the bus stop in the center of town and chatted about the weather. It was a hot 92, but surprisingly not humid, making it the perfect day for a swim in the ocean. IT took them over an hour to get there, but it was worth it. The beach was perfect. Hot sand cool water. Azira pulled out a beach blanket and took off his shirt to apply sunscreen. 

“Dear would you get my back?” Crowley gulped, his poor gay brain wasnt sure he could handle rubbing lotion on Azira. “Dear?”

“Wuh, uh yea sure” he managed. He squeezed out the cold lotion onto his hand warming slightly between them before rubbing it along Aziras back. He could feel his muscles bunch and relax under his touch. He decided he could do this for hours, but all too soon the task was done. In his haze he bare registered Azira turning around and reaching for his shirt. 

“Your turn.” Azira said as he took hold of Crowley's shirt and lifted it up. Crowley tried to stop him, but it was too late. Azira froze when he saw the bruises on Crowley's abdomen. “Oh Crowley, what happened?” Shamed welling inside Crowley and he wished he hadn't been day dreaming of white hair and soft skin. Crowley looked away embarrassed 

“Dont worry about it.”

“I most certainly will worry about it! Crowey what happened?”

“Hastur and Leigur” He wouldn't look up at Azira so he was not ready for what happened next. Azira wrapped his arms around Crowley and held him in a long hug

“Im so very sorry my dear boy” he whispered into Crowley's neck. “You know you can always stay with me, we can set up an extra bed in the attic library or we could put a cot in my room. Anything would be better than you being hurt like this.”

“I couldn't, your parents wouldn't want me anyways, and you'd get tired of the mess that is my life.” If Crowley had looked at Azira he would have seen pure love radiating off him, but as he only stared intently at the sand he had no idea.

“Why don't you spend the night tonight and see how it goes?” Crowley nodded in agreement. He could do one night. “Now why don't you let me put lotion on you and we can enjoy our day” 

Crowley revealed in the feel of Aziras hands on him, it was better than any drug he tried, and he didn't think he would ever tire of his touch. Man was he fucked.


	9. Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azira gets butterflies

Azira smiled over at a sleeping Crowley, they had been in the water all day and now Crowly was laying on the blanket napping. Azira smiled to himself as laid back and continued reading his worn copy of Wuthering Heights. A while late when the sun began to set he closed his book and rolled to his side so he was facing Crowley.

“Dear it's time to get up” Crowley grumbled and ran his hands through his hair before looking over at Azira. His sunglasses were off and Aziras breath caught in his throat. He really did have the most amazing eyes.

“Angel?”

“Hm?”

“You’re staring.” He said with a cheeky smile and Azira blushed and looked away.

“You just have lovely eyes, you shouldn't hide them.” Crowly looked away and muttered something before putting his sunglasses back on.

“It's just better like this” Azira nodded. He didn't want to push him, one day he would get him to keep the glasses off. Crowley sat up and stretched. “Dinner?” Azira smiled.

“Sounds lovely, what were you thinking?” 

“There's a nice italian place on the boardwalk.” They packed up their things and made their way to the restaurant. Crowley ordered shrimp scampi and and Azira got a lovely seafood medially in a white wine sauce. The food was amazing. It had been months since Azira had indulged in pasta. He almost forgot how much he loved food. 

\---

Crowley was in heaven. Watching Azira eat was sinful. The way he closed his eyes in rapture, the soft muling sounds he made when the flavors came together just right. Crowley had never been a big eater himself so he was all too happy to slide his plate over when he was done. Poor Azira must have been on a strict diet thanks to that asshole Gabe and Crowley was here to wage war on it. There was no pleasure his angel should be denied. 

“I don't know about you, but I couldn't eat another bite.” Azira said, sounding very pleased, and Crowley couldn't help but smile.

“So no dessert then?” he asked with a warm laugh and Azira smiled and shook his head no.

“I really shouldn't, I'll already have to do some crazy work out to make up for this.” Crowley's smile vanished, even when he was gone Gabe was controlling Azira.

“Ready then?” Crowley was trying to keep things light and fun, he just had to find a way to get Azira out from under Gabes thumb. 

\---

Azira smiled fondly at Crowley. Dinner with him was wonderful and Azira was hoping they would have many more in the future. He knew he would have to work out far more than he would like to keep Gabriel from knowing, but he felt it was well worth it to spend such a lovely time with Crowley. He sighed in a dreamy sort of way as they got back on the bus to go home.

When they finally made it back to his house he was exhausted, but Crowley seemed energized by the moon. 

“C’mon angel, let's cause some trouble!”

“Absolutely not! We will not be getting into trouble!

“I never said get into trouble, I said cause it.” he said while wiggling his eyebrows up and down which caused Azira to break out laughing. “Aw come on, its no fun otherwise.” Azira looked him over and flushed slightly.

“Well we could always smoke, a joint.” He whispered the last word. Crowley looked impressed before gasping and clutching his heart dramatically.

“The Azira Fell, suggesting we do drugs?! The outrage!” He pretended to faint onto Aziras bed and Azira let out a deep belly laugh and pushed Crowley playfully.

“I just mean if you want to stir up trouble, it is still illegal and we could stay here.” The truth was before Gabriel had ruined it last time he had quite enjoyed it. Crowley smirked and dug through his back pack before finding a slightly bent joint. Azira watched as Crowley ran to the bathroom, when he ran back he had a towel in hand. He shoved it under Aziras bedroom door and opened the window next to his bed.

“Are you sure about this?” Crowely sounded nearly giddy, and Azira nodded yes as he nibbled on his bottom lip. They got comfortable on his queen sized bed and leaned toward the window. This time Azira took smaller hits and he managed to not cough up a lung. He was actually quite proud of himself. When they finished they laid on his bed shoulder to shoulder and Azira wasn't sure why he was having butterflies in his stomach, but he figures it must be the weed.

“What do you want to do after high school?” he asked Crowley, and Crowley let out a long breath before responding.

“Travel? I don't know. I just want to be free, at least for a moment.” Azira rolled over to face Crowley.

“Where to?” Crowley smiled and rolled over to face Azira. Here they were again, nearly nose to nose, and there were those damn butterflies again. 

“Thailand, Greece, maybe even France, but it depends who I'm traveling with.” As he said that his glasses slipped down and Azira stared deep into Crowley's eyes. France with Crowley, sounded, well magical. His heart pounded and his mouth went so dry he thought he might stop breathing. Suddenly there was only a whisper of space between them. Crowley moved his eyes from Aziras to his lips before smiling and pulling away. “Let me get you some water.” Azira shook his head, he wasn't sure what came over him, but now that it was done, he felt almost hollow. 

The summer ticked by with them spending everyday together and Crowley staying over more often than not. They walked through the reservation and swam in the water hole, went back to the beach, and ate amazing food the whole time. So when Azira looked at himself in the mirror before football camp all he could do was fret. He had put on weight and Gabriel was sure to notice. Was sure to be cruel to him. Azira shook his head, there wasn't anything he could do about it now. He got his bags packed and hugged his parents and Crowley as he headed for the bus to camp. This was going to be an awful few weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally deleted this chapter and reposted just to add an extra paragraph. Sorry to those who read it before.


	10. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Ollie

As predicted football camp was awful, Gabriel gave him dirty looks and made him run extra laps everyday. He much preferred nice lunches with Crowley to this awfulness. Now that the school year was about to start up again they would have to pretend not to be friends. He wasn't sure how they would manage, but he wasn't willing to lose Crowley again. 

Camp ended and the school year began. Azira was quite delighted to find he and Crowley shared a few classes this year and the football team was implementing a new tradition, formal wear for game days. Azira was just smitten as he showed up to school the Friday of their first game in a lovely cream colored suite, a beautiful vintage vest he and Crowley found in the city and a pale blue button down. This was topped off with a tartan bow tie his mother got him, and truth be told he had never felt more comfortable. Something about the layers comforted him.

“Really angel, a tartan bow tie?” Crowley teased as they settled into photography.

“Tartan is quite stylish, I'll have you know!” They were lost in their own little world and completely unaware that Gabriel was watching. 

\----

Crowley was trying to figure out how to go to the game tonight without being spotted when Bea and Dagon approached him (you know those friends who were just as bad as he was)

“We’re going to drink under the bleachers at the game tonight, you in?” Bea asked in here dreary monotone. Crowley gave a crooked smile

“Wouldn't miss it.” 

Crowley met up with Bea, Dagon and a few others about 20 minutes into the game, he was already stoned and ready to add a buzz to that. He grabbed a beer and leaned against one of the support beams while peering out between the stands to try and catch a glimpse of his angel. 

“Lookin’ for your boyfriend?” Dagon asked as she leaned on the other side of the pole Dagon was the only person Crowley had told he was gay, he had never mentioned his feelings for Azira though. He barely mentions them to himself. 

“Just watchin’ us get our ass’s beat.” He said as he turned away from the game. “So how's it going with Bea?” Dagon blushed

“I don't even know if she likes girls. For all I know she reproduces asexually. One day there's just going to be another one of her growing off her back!” Crowley barked out a rusty laugh and clasped Dagon on the shoulder before shaking his head and walking away to join the rest of the group.

The game continued on in a rather unremarkable fashion, until the 3rd quarter when Azira finally made it onto the field. Dagon elbowed Crowley and nodded him over to watch. He sauntered over and cracked open another beer. Azira was on the offensive line, all he had to do was block. The game was almost over when Corlwy noticed something off. Gabriel was signaling to Micheal, but they weren't talking about football. The ball was snapped and Micheal made a beeline for Azira. Azira went to block on the opposing team when Michael dove right and collided with Aziras knee. Crowley swore he heard the crack right before Azira screamed.

Crowley lunged to run for Gabriel, but Bea and Max held him back. 

“I fucking kill him! Gabriel did this and ill fucking skin him for it!” Crowley was red with furry. Dagon came up and smacked him across his face. He glared down at her through his glasses.

“No one is going to believe Gabe had anything to do with this!” She grabbed him by his face and forced him to look at her. “Azira needs you.” Crowley stopped struggling and Max and Bea released him. 

He ran out from the bleachers and watched as Azira was loaded into the ambulance. Crowley looked around lost, until he saw Mr, and Mrs. Fell, they saw him too and waved him over. The three of them raced behind the ambulance to the hospital. Azira was rushed off to imaging as soon as he arrived and all Crowley and his parents could do was wait. 

53 minutes later, 5 hours if you ask Crowley, and they were shown to Aziras room. Crowley sat on the end of the bed as the doctors talked with his parents. 

“I'm so sorry, angel.” Crowley's voice was tight and he felt tears stinging the back of his eyes. Azira just smiled weakly up at him. They had him on some pretty intense pain killers and the adrenaline was probably wearing off by now. Crowley took his hand and rubbed his thumb over Azira’s knuckles. He hated this, it should be him in this bed not Azira. He’d never done anything bad to anyone, but Gabe just wanted to torcher him. Well Crowley was going to make sure that Gabe knew what this felt like. 

\----

Azira was finally home from surgery, his parents had set up a temporary recovery room for him on the second floor. He was awful with these crutches and making up and down three flights of stairs everyday was not going to happen. Crowley was over every day tending to him. Azira could not figure out why he seemed so guilty and beat up about this, Crowley certainly wasn't telling him any ways. But if Azira was honest with himself, and when it came to Crowley he often wasn't, he loved the attention and hated it when Crowley wasn't around. And if he was being even more honest he was developing feelings for him, he had no idea how to handle that. He simply refused to lose him again.


	11. Spoild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley wants to spoil Azira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! theres some self hating language and fat hate

It took two full weeks of bed rest before Azira was allowed to get back to school and regular activity, as for football, he would not be returning. It was Saturday morning, he went back to school on Monday and was tired of being cooped up. Crowley Showed up just before noon.He casually strolled into the recovery room and Azira lit up, sure he saw him last night, but there was always an emptiness when he wasn't around. 

“Hey angel.” So calm, so cool, as if his every word didn't make some part of Aziras heart ache. 

“H- Hey Crowley,” he could not start stuttering around him. “Ready to go?” Crowley cocked an eyebrow above his glasses.

“Go where? Aren't you supposed to be taking it easy?” A small smirk threatened to appear at the corner of his mouth and Azira threw him a sideways look. 

“You know perfectly well I'm due back at school on Monday, and you know I'm tired of being stuck in here.” He sighed, more for dramatic effect and gave Crowley his best sad pout. “Unless you don't want to go out with me…”

“Ngk.” The unintelligible noise was all he got out of Crowley and he swore he was starting to blush. But the taller boy turned around as he lifted his glasses to rub his face. “Alright, alright, just stop giving me that damn look.” Azira brightened instantly.

“So where to?”

“We don't have a ton of options, I don't want you pushing yourself too hard and getting hurt.”

“Oh come on Crowley, you're as bad as my mom! Where's that bad influence i've come to lo-” love…. It was there on the tip of his tongue and he nearly swallowed his heart. “Like!”

“Oh jee really?” Crowley mocked, thank the Almighty he didn't notice. Azira let out a slow breath and Crowley sighed smiling. “We could go smoke in the res?” Azira smiled.

“Anything to get me out of the house. Plus I could use the exercise.” The last part was muttered, but he couldn't stop himself, everytime he looked in the mirror he heard Gabiral mocking him. He hated his body, hated that he was soft, that he so much as looked at sweets and he seemed to gain weight. Even when he lost his excess weight he wouldn't have called himself skinny, not like Corwley was. He was so slim and perfect, beautiful in a way Azira never could be. Both of his parents were bigger, his mom was short and plump with a full figure, and his dad was taller and bread with a pretty classic dad bod. There was no way he'd ever look anything like Crowley. No way anyone as beautiful as Crowley would ever find him attractive. 

\-----

“Anything to get me out of the house. Plus I could use the exercise.” Azira muttered, and Crowley clenched his fist. He was going to kill Gabe, make him pay for hurting Azira in every way he has. Well Crowley was going to wage war on this train of thought. He was going to spoil his angel, surround him with old books, fancy foods, and anything else he could want. He wanted him round and happy. The look of delight on his face when he enjoyed gourmet food was enough for Crowley to devote himself to this for the rest of his life. He took a slow breath, he was so fucked. Not only was he gay and in love with his best friend, who would never love him back mind you. No! He had to have some kind of weird fetish with it. It really wasn't that he had a thing for fat men, it was more that he had a thing for spoiling Azira, and if he gained weight as proof of that spoiling, that excess of love, well Crowley was more than ok with that. 

“Crowley? Dear?” Shit. He got lost in his head again. Gotta play this off. He raised an eyebrow.

“You ready then?” Azira huffed and rolled his eyes before grabbing a backpack and a sweater as they made their way out of the house. 

With his knee brace on Azira was rather slow, but Crowley was happy to take his time with him. As they got close to the res he started to meticulously roll a blunt for them. Once they got to their spot Azira pulled out a thin blanket and put it on the ground. Crowley should have known. 

“No fair, you didn't tell me this was a picnic, I would have brought better supplies.” Crowley smiled down at Azira as the chubby boy carefully lowered himself down.

“Well I'm not going to ruin my pants.” He said while removing some imaginary dust from his khakis. And Crowley couldn't help but chuckle as he looked him over, he'd be 16 in January, but he dressed like an old man, pressed khakis, a light blue button down and a sweater vest in his bag incase it got cold. That three piece suit he helped his get ruined him, since then Azira had forsaken basically all his polos, jeans and other shirts for button downs and khakis or dress pants. 

‘I think it makes me look very stylish!’ Crowely chuckled again at the memory before shaking his head and Joining Azira on the blanket as he sparked up. 

As with every time they smoked they ended up laying down facing each other, closer than two friends probably should be. Crowley's heart sped up as large blue eyes looked over at him. Azira had the cutest dopey smile when he was high and the light coming through the trees made his white blond hair glow. He really was an angel, halo and all. 

“What are you thinking about dear?”

“You.” Azira looked away and blushed deep red and that's when Crowley realized what he had said. He flapped his mouth uselessly looking for some way to recover, but then Azira looked back up at him, pinning him with his gaze. A quiet moment passed before Crowley heard a blessed noise, Azira’s stomach growled and Crowley smiled, thankful for the way out. “Munchies?” Azira blushed deeper and nodded. Crowley hopped up and offered his hand to Azira. It was time to spoil his angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, i had friends visiting from out of state.


	12. Munchies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pair get pizza and take a trip to the mall

The pair made their way to a local gourmet pizza place, Crowley could tell Azira was getting tired, they had walked all over South Orange today and the pot was making him sluggish. Of course Crowley thought it was cute. They made it to the restaurant and Crowley sent Azira off to go find a seat while he ordered from the counter. Fried calamari and a few of Aziras favorite speciality slices and some fancy iced teas. Crowley sauntered back to the table drinks in hand smiling at his angel. 

“Foods on it way, figure we could have your dad pick us up after this.” Azira tried to protest but Crowley let his glasses slide down enough to give him a firm look, “I'm not letting you hurt yourself.”

“Oh fine.” Azira said on a huff, “I am rather tired anyways.” Crowley smiled approvingly as their food was delivered to them. “Crowley! This is much too much for us.” Azira was getting himself riled up and Crowley couldn't help but laugh.

“Relax angel, we can always bring the leftovers to your place.” Azira seemed to contemplate this for a moment before he nodded and took a slice of tortellini alfredo pizza (yes it's real, yes it's amazing). Azira seemed to relax into a state of bliss when he took his first bite. Savoring the flavor and letting his eyes close in enjoyment, Crowley found his mouth to suddenly be bone dry. He swallowed hard before snapping out of his daze to take a drink. He picked at the calamari content to watch Azira eat. That was until his phone started going off like mad. He groaned at flipped it open to see a flurry of messages from Dagon.

“What is it dear?” Azira asked, looking down at the phone. 

“Party tonight, Dagon is demanding I come.”

“Sounds like fun.” There was a bit of wistfulness in Aziras voice. “You should go.” Sadness reached the edge of Aziras eyes and it nearly broke Crowley. 

“Come with me”

“What?”

“You heard me, come to the party.”

“Crowley I’ve never been to a party and I wasn’t invited, you were.” Azira was blushing and getting flustered, and Crowley couldn't stop the smile that spread slowly across his face. 

“Its a big party, don't need an exact invite. Plus if they want me there the only way I'm going is with you.” Azira shook his head.

“I wouldn't even know what to wear.”

“So we can go to the mall. I'm sure you still have a pair of jeans tucked away somewhere, all you need is a good t shirt and you'll be party ready.”

“A t shirt Crowley, really?” The closest Azira got to t shirts were polos and that was being a stretch too casual for him lately. Crowley couldn't stop the laugh that was building in him.

“It'll just be for one night, it'll be your party shirt and you'll never have to buy another one.” Azira sighed.

“You really think they won't mind if I come?”

“Not at all angel.”

\-------

Azira felt absolutely foolish as he stood there in the HotTopic changing room. Not only was he being forced to wear a t shirt, he was forced to buy it here. He stared back at himself in the mirror. Dark jeans, Crowley made him change before they came to the mall, with an ill fitting My Chemical Romance Shirt, he didn't even know what a chemical romance was and it clung to him in a way that made him want to never look in another mirror again. 

“You ok angel?” Azira sighed and hung his head as he exited the dressing room. Crowley covered his mouth to stifle a laugh. “Yeah ok, maybe this was too much. Let's go somewhere else.” he bit his lip still trying not to laugh and Azira shot him a dirty look, but was quite relieved he didn't have to endure this store much longer. He changed back into his button down and they made their way out of the store, Azira received more than one dirty look on his way out of the store. He hated mall shopping, vintage boutiques in the city were much more his pace. 

“Yes!” Crowley exclaimed as Azira exited the fitting room, He donned a black, loose, shallow v neck t shirt, It was well made and truly he didn't hate it. I mean anything was better then a chemical romance right? They stood there staring at each other for a moment, Azira wanted nothing more than to embrace Crowley, but how? How do you cross that line, how do you get close to someone who you'd rather die without? Crowley cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “So should we get it and go?”

“Y-yes, sounds lovely.” Azira smiled tightly and went back into the fitting room to change back. He sighed quietly, why did he have to have feelings for his best friend? He exited the fitting room and put on his best smile so Crowley wouldn't be suspicious. He had no idea how he would survive the party tonight.


	13. Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bea watched the boys at Daggons party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drinking, drug use, tobacco use, langue. Implied non-con elements

Bea leaned against a far wall and looked out over the party. Red cup in one hand and bored out of her mind. Daggon begged her to come and Bea just hoped she wouldn’t try to hit on her…. again. She sighed heavily at the thought as she gazed out at the party goers. People were sprawled across the room all at different levels of fucked up. Some drinking heavily, others smoking, some railing lines of coke or crushed pills, she wasn’t sure, but either way she didn’t care, anything to numb the pain she supposed. She swirled the drink in her cup before downing it, the fire of alcohol spreading through her chest. It was nice. At the very least it helped to quiet her mind. For a while now she had been struggling with who she really was, if in fact she even was a she. 

She shook her head and made her way to the kitchen. A party was a much to public place to get lost in that train of thought. In the center of the kitchen was a large tub of jungle juice and she dipped her cup in to refill it. The sweet drink was deceptive. A mix of kool-aid and any and all alcohol they could get their hands on had gone into it. She took another long drink before wandering into the front room of the house. From there she could watch the comings and goings of the party. 

The party was average and she felt it was going to be another boring night of drinking herself to sleep. That is until Crowley waltzed in with Azira in tow. She smirked. Azira and her were once friends and she knew all too well how prim and awkward he was. A small part of her still felt bad she had left their friend group, left him to deal with Gabriel, but he was a topic she refused to think on. 

She watched him as his eyes went wide and his head swiveled around like an owls. The poor lamb had wandered into a wolf's den. Crowley nudged him in his side and drew his attention back to him as he guided him to the kitchen. What on earth was Crowley planning bringing him here?

Well, only one way to find out.

Bea slunk around the party, casually watching as Crowley poured copious amounts of alcohol down Aziras throat.

She grimaced. Daggon had tried this once on her. Get your crush wasted and try to make a pass. If they reject you, play it off and blame it on the alcohol. Crowley was an idiot. Bea didn’t know whether to walk away or intervene, so she just kept watching.

“You watch any longer and I’m going to tell them to start charging you.” Daggon said with a cheeky smile as she leaned next to Bea, blocking her view of the boys. Bea audibly groaned and rolled her eyes. 

“What stupid shit did you say to Crowley?” There was no venom and very little actual questioning. It was basically a statement. Bea knew what happened, but she wanted Daggon to admit it. Daggon put up in her hands in false innocence.

“Me? Give Crowley a bad idea? Never…… he makes his own stupid choices.” Daggon looked over her shoulder at them and Bea followed her line of sight. 

Crowley and Azira were off in their own world, Crowley leaned in to whisper something in the other boy ear and Azira could not stop giggling at whatever it was. He drunkenly swayed into Crowley and Azira peered up at Crowley’s dark glasses. 

Shit. Here it comes.

Crowley leaned down and pressed his mouth into Aziras. Azira’s eyes shot open and he pulled back with a loud gasp. Loud enough that several party goers were now openly staring at the pair. Crowley threw himself back and blanched. Looking frantically around the room he saw how many people had witnessed what should have been a deeply personal moment. Crowley’s mouth flailed while Azira was still in a state of drunken shock. The taller boy looked back to his friend before jumping off the couch and bolting for the door. Anyone who wasn’t watching before was now. Azira finally snapped out of his daze and took a slow scared look around the room until his gaze met Bea’s. 

Fuck. 

He looked like a lost bunny rabbit or a doe or some other helpless thing. Bea shoved past Daggon shooting daggers with her eyes. She would deal with her later. Now, for some god forsaken reason, she had to help an old friend.

She sat down next him, lounging as she quietly finished her drink. She tossed the empty cup aside and sighed. 

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” Aziras attention snapped to her as she rose. He tried to follow but stumbled back on to the couch. “For fuck sake,” she groaned. She held out her hand and helped him up. She even let him lean on him as she guided him out of the party and into the cold November night. They stumbled quietly for a block or two before Azira began. 

“Why…”

“Because people are assholes. They’re all scum and rot. They think they can get you liquored up and take anything they want from you.” Venom dropped from her every word. Azira shook his head then stopped walking for a moment. Presumably so the world would stop moving too.

“No. Why did he leave?” Bea blinked a little shocked.

“You mean you wanted him to kiss you? But you seemed so shocked…”

“I was, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want it to happen.” His voice was so small, and for a brief moment the walls around her heart softened and in her mind danced lavender eyes. Bea gritted her teeth and pulled out her pack jamming a cigarette in her mouth and lighting the end. She would not allow this doe eyed, cream puffs words affect her. Make her get all sappy. Make her think of him….

“Crowley is a damn coward. He runs away, it's what he does.” And truly she hated herself for the sentimentality that was about to leave her mouth. “But you’re the only thing I’ve ever seen him run to“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been so long. Hopefully I can get more chapters out before I fizzle out again.


	14. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azira struggles after Crowley flees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of depression, and negative thinking. Suicidal thoughts.

Azira walked the rest of the way home with Bea in silence. His mind churning in fuzzy awareness. Why would Crowley kiss him? Why there? And above all, why did he leave? 

They arrived at his house sooner than he was expecting. He turned to Bea and gave her a small smile. 

“Thanks for walking me home.”

“Don’t mention it,” she turned to walk away but over her shoulder said, “ seriously, don’t. And Azira…” she stopped, still not facing him she took a breath. “Crowley is going to keep running. He needs you to run after him.” And with that she was off and Azira was left dumbfounded for the second time that night. 

As quietly as he could he got inside and fumbled up to his room. He flopped onto his bead and took a few deep breaths before pulling out his phone. His cold walk home helped to sober him up some, but he still needed to close one eye to focus on his phone. He started and deleted several messages before rubbing a hand down his face in defeat. 

The next thing he knew sunlight was streaming into his windows and his head was pounding. Pulling his blanket up over his face he grumbled and the memories of last night came flooding back. Azira moaned and cautiously reached for his phone. He expected to see a call or txt or something from Crowley. Instead there was nothing. His heart sank and Bea’s words rang in his head ‘he needs you to run after him.’

Azira wasn’t sure what exactly that entailed, but he figured the first step was a text.

Azira: Hello

He grimaced. Hello. What kind of thing was that to say. It’s so uptight - like him. If he was cooler like Crowley last night would have been fine. He didn’t even know why Crowley did it. Did he actually like him? Or… and Azira hated himself for even thinking this, was it just some kind of joke. 

He tossed his phone to the other end of his queen sized bed and huffed. If Crowley didn’t respond, didn’t reach out then it must have been a joke. Probably orchestrated by Daggon or one of them. 

He made his way to the bathroom to try and shower off the memories. When he was done and rapped in his fluffy white robe he did something he almost never does. He looked at himself in the mirror and he looked hard. 

Silver wet curls stuck to his forehead and big, blue eyes looked back. His brows raised and scrunched as the corners of his mouth turned down. His face had always been round and he couldn't help but fixated on his small double chin. Crowley’s beautiful face flashed in his mind. All the wonderful planes and angles of it. Why would he ever want someone like him? Azira hung his head and walked back to his room. Sitting on the bed heavily he buried his face in his hands and wept. 

Once he composed himself he dressed in clean pajama pants and another lovely cream sweater. This one was a bit over sized and he liked that it in no way clung to him. Not when he was feeling so self conscious. Holding a breath he checked his phone and deflated when he saw no texts or calls. He shoved the thing in his pocket and headed downstairs for breakfast. After all, his parents would worry if he was up in his room all day. 

His parents smiled brightly at him over their morning reading. His father was reading something in Arabic, a religious text no doubt, and his mother was leading through the Sunday Times. 

“You’re up late, must have been a fun party.” His mom wiggled her eyebrows and wiggled in her seat. It was embarrassing. He knew she was just happy he went out. Like a normal kid.

“Yeah…. not, uh, not really my thing.” His father nodded approvingly. Azira gave a half smile and grabbed some toaster waffles. It certainly was brunch with Crowley - Crowley…… His heart constricted and he had to bite his cheek to not sniffle or make a scene. The last thing he wanted was his mother fussing over him. He was thankful his parents were always deeply invested in their morning reading. He ate his waffles and picked at some fruit salad his mother had made earlier, wondering when he’d hear back from, from him. 

As it turned out he wouldn’t hear from him all day. Monday morning came and he put on his knee brace and headed back into school for the first time in what felt like ages. He was happy to get back to it. To learn and be distracted. And he deeply hoped he’d see Crowley in photography that day. But photography came and went and there was no Crowley. Lunch was next and Azira was hoping some zeppoles and a slice of cheese steak pizza would make him feel better. 

He was walking back to school from the pizza place across the street, food in hand, when Gabriel and his goons approached.

“Well, well, we’ll, if it isn’t Azira Fail. Heard you and your little boyfriend put on quite a show this weekend.” Gabriel stopped to laugh at his own joke, “oh that’s right. He ran away from you. You’re so pathetic even a homo like him doesn’t want you.” Gabriel gave a cruel grin before smacking the food out of Aziras hands and walking off laughing with his friends. 

Tears burned that back of Aziras eyes and water began to blur his vision. He couldn’t take this anymore. He ran off as fast as his bum knee would take him. After a short while pain began to shoot from the knee but he didn’t care. He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew he needed to be alone. Tears stained his red face and he finally came to a stop, crumpling on the ground and sobbing until his back shook and he could hardly breath. He didn’t know how much time had passed once he calmed, but he knew he was cold and stiff. He didn’t care. He glanced around, he was at the old mercury building. Of course he was. It felt like everywhere was drenched in memories of Crowley and him. With a sigh he moved to a seated position and winced as he stretched out his bad knee. He was going to pay for this. He flopped back and his head hit a rock. Tears once again flooded to his eyes and he wanted so badly to just scream. To scream, and scream, and scream some more. Until his throat was raw and his energy drained. Instead he just laid there. He let the cold seep into him and he watched as the sun moved and the sky began to change color. If he died here, would anyone but his parents even care?


	15. I’m sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally some sweet fluff. With more fluff to follow.

Crowley sat on the old railroad bridge at the Mercury building. He’d cut school and was working through his second pack of the day. He felt hollow and empty. Why was he such a fuck up? He’d replayed the kiss hundreds of times already and he was sure he’d replay it a hundred times more. How could he have screwed up so bad? Was he so lost in his own feelings he couldn’t see that Azira clearly had no feeling for him beyond friendship? He laughed without humor. A friendship he ruined. And that text. He groaned and threw his head back. ‘Hello’ so formal. ‘Azira is always formal’ and part of his brain whispered. He was in no mood for logic. He was brooding and doing a pretty damn good job of it if he said so himself. 

When one cigarette ended another was lit. His throat burned but he didn’t care. He stared off blankly as his mind churned, but he was pulled from his ever darkening thoughts by the rustle of nearby plants. He glowered, he was not in the mood to deal with anyone right now. He looked in the direction of the offending sound and watched as Azira burst through the tree line. He was running, and even from a distance Crowley could see he was crying. His heart broke. He watched Azira crumple and sob. He wanted so badly to run to him. To gather him in his arms and whisper sweet nothings to him until he calmed. He wanted a million things, but he did nothing. Frozen he watched his angel sob until he had nothing left. Watched as he straightened his knee and winced in pain. Watched as he hit his head. And watched as he gave up. 

Before he was even conscious of his actions he was up and moving. Slowly approaching Azira. When he was just a few feet away he stopped and spoke softly, barely above a whisper. 

“Angel?” Aziras head turned slowly to the side and Crowley watched as fresh tears flooded his eyes. 

“Crowley.” His voice sounded so broken. And Crowley couldn’t stay away any longer. He came to him, kneeling on the ground near Aziras head. 

“I’m here, Angel. I’m here.” Azira reached his hand out and Crowley took it. Wrapping his long fingers around it. 

“I’m sorry,” they both said and there was shock from both of them. Azira sat up and Crowley helped him. They were so close. Crowley didn’t know what to say. He just started babbling.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you, I was such an idiot. I shouldn’t have done anything. I should have paid attention and, and….” He was spiraling, but was brought back when Azira placed one amazingly soft had on Crowley’s cheek. He looked up and was locked into the fathomless depths of Aziras eyes. Those eyes were looking at him with so much love it took Crowley’s breath away. And before he could get it back Azira was leaning in. His eyes closed and he welcomed Aziras lips. 

The kiss was tentative at first, but Crowley was quick to respond. He brought both his hands up to cup Aziras face, tilting his head so he could deepen the kiss. A small moan escaped from his angel and Crowley was emboldened by it. He nipped on Aziras bottom lip and the other boy opened for him. Their body’s moved closer as their tongues explored, as they learned each other. Never in his life had Crowley experiences such decadence. The pair came up for air. They pressed their foreheads together and Crowley rubbed his nose against Aziras. 

“I’m sorry I let you go,” now it was time for Azira to apologize.

“Angle, you dont-“ 

“I do.” Azira pulled back and gently removed Crowley’s glasses. Crowley turned away out of habit, but when he came back Azira was giving him that look again. The one so full of love Crowley worried a filthy sinner like him might burst into flames. “I never should have let you run away. I was surprised, yes, I never thought someone as lovely and cool as you would want me.” Crowley softened further as Azira quickly looked away and back. “And I’m sorry I didn’t chase after you. That I didn’t try harder to reach you.” 

“I shouldn’t have run.” Azira smiled in that way that made Crowley’s heart skip a beat. He knew in that moment he would do anything if it meant he could see his Angel smile. 

“Just know that if you do run, I’ll be right behind you. I’ll always be there for you Crowley.” Tears pricked the back of his eyes and he gathered Azira in his long arms and held him close. His wonderful softness fitting perfectly into Crowley’s hard edges. He was so happy, so relieved to have Azira in his arms, but something tickled at the back of his mind. His angel came here crying. 

“Angle…… why are you here? What happened?” The question was tentative and Crowley was terrified of losing this moment, but he needed to know. Azira held tighter to Crowley, not making eye contact.

“Gabriel.” Crowley tightened his grip on Azira, holding him even closer as Azira told him what happened. 

He wanted to kill Gabriel. To hurt him in all the ways he hurt his angel, and more. 

Azira reached up and gently caressed his cheek. Crowley hadn't noticed he was shaking. He wanted so badly to shove his fist through that assholes face.

“My dear it’s ok.”

“No angel, it’s not.” There was no room for argument in his tone, but that didn’t stop his stubborn angel.

“It is, because it lead me here.” Crowley frowned. It shouldn’t have happened this way. He shouldn’t think that awful bullying by the world's most pompous asshole was in any way acceptable. But Crowley was also desperate to not add to this sweet boy's suffering. Burying his face in that sweet mess of blond curls he continued to hold Azira until the sun had vanished beyond the horizon. When the wind started and he felt his angel shiver he pulled away. 

“You should check in with your parents. I don’t want them to worry.” He smiled gently at the boy in his lap, hating that he might have to part with him soon. 

“Come over. We can walk back an-“ Crowley cut him off by placing a long finger to his lips. 

“Angle, you’re hurt. I’m not going to have you make your knee worse. And I know you haven’t eaten since breakfast. Call them and ask for a ride home.” He have a gentle smile.

“Come with me. You can stay over.” Crowley’s smile grew.

“I’d like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> If y'all have any ideas let me know


End file.
